This, for many, is both the source and sign of intimacy, so when they’re excluded from such an intimate and important part of their partner’s life, it feels like a betrayal of intimacy. Finally, I think many women want to be involved and included. Like monogamy, this works only so long as you’re the only object of desire. A surprising number of women I spoke to acknowledged that being desired is the primary erotic trigger for them. Similarly, there’s a sense that if you desire another, you must not really desire me. It can also be tied to a sense that any redirection of desire compromises the fidelity of intimacy: and this is strongly tied our a culture of monogamy.
The issues that have been more relevant are tied to a sense of betrayal as desire is directed towards someone that is not them, that does not look like them, that does not do the things in bed that they do. Everywhere women look and often in their day to day interactions, they are sexualised and trivialised in ways that men rarely experience, let alone understand.ĭo you think the shame surrounding male masturbation comes down to the content of pornography, and a fear that women have that their partner will try to emulate sexually aggressive moves?Īlthough you might be right about some women fearing that aggressive porn will lead to unwanted aggressive sex, I’ve never hear this from women. As I write in the book, I don’t think most men have a clue how difficult it is for women to retain and develop a healthy sense of self in a world that tells them every day that they’re flawed. But certainly straight men and women have very different experiences of sexuality in our culture. Men also talk more openly about watching porn.Īgain, I think we’re all repressed in different ways. It is very ironic to say this when so much of our culture objectifies and stereotypes women, but in this area, straight men are in the dark ages and women have at least has their enlightenment.ĭo you think that men and women are repressed in different ways? For example, it is regarded as normal for teenage boys to masturbate, whereas it is shameful for girls. In general, women are much more comfortable owning toys, talking about them and incorporating masturbation as a healthy part of their lives. In general, women ‘own’ their bodies more than straight men own theirs. In general, men are very ashamed of their habits, worried what others will think of them, worried that certain acts, if known, will have huge social consequences. In general terms, masturbation has been successfully recast for women as part of an empowered life. While gay men have perhaps the most sophisticated and progressive dialogue around sexuality and identity, straight men have not embraced or benefited much from this progress. Women have 50 years of impassioned critical thinking that support and contextualise this sexual pilgrimage in a positive way. Sex worker turns his life into a play on laws, prostitution and men.